Pure joy

This month has had its ups and downs. Acupuncture hasn't helped anything, and the doctor doing it has said she doesn't want to waste my money anymore if it isn't helping. I am taking a break from it for know, since it isn't helping anything. I tried 3 visits with her doing different things, and she doesn't think she is able to help me at this point. I was pretty discouraged by that, and feel at this point as if there really is no medical answer for the migraines I'm having 2-3 times a week.

In the meantime, this stomach issue has been bothering me ever since I had my gallbladder out in April of 2008. I was in the emergency room last month with really bad upper GI pain that caused my blood pressure to go up, my heart to race, and me to pass out. We thought maybe it was my heart, but I was cleared and referred to a GI specialist. I saw her on Wednesday, 9/8 and her next step is to give me an endoscopy. I go for that on Wednesday, 9/15 - this coming week.

Please pray that this procedure will go smoothly. I will be put under general anesthesia, but it's a short procedure. I will be out for probably an hour at the most. Please pray that the doctor doing the scope will find something conclusive that is causing my pain and that there will be a way to fix it. There are several possibilities they are looking for including: ulcers related to the migraine medicine I've been on for over a year, some sort of complication from the gallbladder surgery where a valve isn't able to work properly, or any other visible issue through the scope. If they find out it is a dysfunction in the valves, I'll have another endoscopic procedure they can do to figure out what the dysfunction is.

All of this, coupled with the head injury stuff has been discouraging. I also had a cold this past week and a stomach bug, so it's been dark. I know that God will not give me more than I can handle, and that I'm stronger because of all of this. I know He's with me and walking along side of me. I can't imagine going through this without Him.

I'll see how this GI stuff goes, and I see Dr. Leddy (UB research doctor) at the end of the month to discuss the next steps in my concussion treatment plan. For now, it's just rest/sleep as much as I can, limit everything I do, and continue to take the same medication.

My journey towards humility is going forward slowly but surely. I'm able to accept help more and more each day. It's good being honest about what's going on with me. Especially when it allows people to know how to help and what to pray for.

James 1: 2-4 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Back on the horse... er, um... treadmill

I had a dentist appointment yesterday. I have been on "bedrest" (couch-rest really) for the past 3 weeks and going to a dentist appointment and lunch wiped me out. It's really becoming clear that I need to use the energy I have to get on the treadmill every day. That's the whole point of me doing nothing else. I have to try.

I got on the treadmill today. I could only go for 50 seconds and now I have a headache, but I tried. I'm going to try again tomorrow as long as my migraine is in check.

I had my 3rd acupuncture appointment on Tuesday. This one hurt a little bit. The doctor said that she doesn't see any improvement yet, and we are taking a break for a few weeks. It would be nice if it were helping, but I don't think it is.

It's really my physiology that's messed up. Like clockwork, I'm getting 2-3 migraines a week. I can sit around and do nothing or aggravate my symptoms by being active, but I still get the migraines in the same way at the same times.

This is really proving Dr. Leddy's research. My brain and my circulation are off and not working together properly. It's so amazing that he's able to figure this stuff out. Hopefully with the rest from everything else in life, I can concentrate on doing the treadmill and maybe it will get my system back to what it needs to be.

I'm keeping track of my symptoms and my treadmill activity and I will keep everyone posted. I think the key to this research study is the ability to concentrate fully on rehabilitation without using your energy on other things.

Acupuncture

We have tried all the prophylactic migraine treatments that we can think of, but the side effects hurt me more than the benefits might help.

Topamax (Topirimate) gave me extreme fatigue that glues me down and makes me feel as if gravity is working against me.

Propranalol made me so depressed that I was curled up in a ball crying the week before my birthday. My birthday (ask anyone who knows me) is the greatest month of my year for me usually. They took me off it before I started having serious thoughts of suicide.

There isn't much else out there being used to prevent migraines. Treximet helps when I get a migraine (as long as I take it before it's too late). I am prone to complex migraines that make parts of my body stop working. I have had complex migraines that made stroke-like numbness/weakness appear in one side of my body or the other. I have had central apnea (your brain stops telling your lungs to breathe while you are awake and asleep) from a migraine.

Bottom line... I should not let myself get a migraine.

Maybe I'm just sensitive to medications, but they aren't working for me. I'm trying acupuncture. I have my third session tomorrow. I haven't noticed anything positive yet, but I'm giving it a chance.

It doesn't hurt. I feel really tired after and have some weird tingling/numbness/weakness in my body. I have a weird craving for wonton soup after I'm done. I know that when she puts the pins in, it gives you this weird warm rushing feeling in your body. So... It's doing something, I'm just not seeing anything yet.

I'll keep everyone posted.

Where I am.... PRIDE

I'm dealing with my pride right now. James 5 has some amazing verses about healing and faith and prayer. Read through the whole thing. There are some exciting parts, but there is also some work involved.

I'm trying to put my pride away and get help. It is so hard! I know that if the situation were reversed, I'd be there in an instant to help a friend or a family member going through this. Why am I trying to rob them of their blessings and gifts they want to give me?

I'm putting away my pride. I've written down every symptom and I'm asking people to take one thing and pray about it daily. I have 2 people signed up and I'm working on asking certain people to take certain things.

I'm not the only one with pride, though. I have to get help for my family and I, but it's hard to tell your husband to put his pride away too. God wants us to be honest, humble, and to lean on each other as a family. I'm trying to give this up to Him so that He can heal me.

This is so much easier said than done.

Dan has taken every task away from me. It's good. It's hard, but it's good. He is handling the cooking, cleaning, decision making, everything. I am to just sit and rest and get better. It's hard to watch him struggle through this, but he is so supportive and he still has energy left to tell me I'm beautiful and he loves me.

I can't imagine being in his position after going through this for 15 months. I know I would be the same way as him, but it's tough to be on this end of it... watching him do EVERYTHING!

I am glad to be giving up my pride, and I know it will help.