Anniversary

Yesterday was the 2 year anniversary of my head injury. It's amazing to think that it's been that long since my life has been so severely altered. I don't really remember what it's like to feel good. I don't remember what independence feels like. I thank God every day that it wasn't worse, and I am as high functioning as I am.

My every day symptoms at this point are: low-level headache and nausea, fatigue, unsteadiness, lack of focus, average of 45-minute limit on physical, social, intellectual activity, difficulty with different areas of memory, mood changes, and an average of 1 migraine a week.

The approval for disability last month was a win in so many ways. Not only will we be able to catch up financially, but the declaration helped me feel validated. PCS is an invisible problem and that might be the hardest thing about it. I am told all the time, “Well, you look great!” I know it's meant to be an encouragement, one that I fully appreciate, but it shows that people really can't tell when someone is hurting inside. I am happy in life, though, and I am glad it shows through my pain.

I am still continuing with my treadmill therapy. At my last post, I was jogging at a high heart rate. Now, I have slowed it down a bit and increased my time. My doctor says that the high heart rate can be unhealthy for extended periods. Now I am at a speed of 4.5 for 30 minutes, and my heart rate peaks around 160-170. I see Dr. Leddy once a month, and will be seeing him June 20. The goal is to increase my endurance, and hopefully that will translate into increasing my activity limits daily.

I am still struggling with my herniated discs in my neck. I have been given a home traction unit, but I think it might be making things worse. I try to keep up with my physical therapy home exercises, but it's a nagging pain that is increasing my every-day headaches.

My husband found a therapy called The Bowen Technique (http://www.boweninfo.com/how_it_works.htm), which might help with a lot of my issues. I called the practitioner in our area and will hopefully set up an appointment to try it out. I will always try something new and see if it helps. God works through all things and can use all things for His glory.

I'm so thankful to my family and friends who continue to stick by me and support me in all I do. I am amazed at how people can be supportive even when they can't quite know how I feel or what I'm going through.

Praising in the Storm

I'll start this update off with some good news. It's been 23 months since my head injury in June 2009. I applied for disability November 2009, and was denied and appealed February 2010. I had my appeal hearing April 2011 and yesterday (May 2011), I was granted Social Security Disability! Praise God! I am so happy to have validation and some breathing room. We should start getting checks within 3-6 weeks.

There have been some other things that are positive too lately. I have been issued a home traction unit for my neck, which I received and started trying yesterday. It really felt good when I used it and helps give me a ton of relief with the tightness in my neck. 

I had some heavy fatigue a couple months ago that was not relenting. My primary doctor ordered some blood tests and found that my Vitamin D levels were around 10. She thinks that could attribute to the fatigue, some of the low level headaches, and the nausea. I have had 3 weeks of mega-dose Vitamin D so far and might be seeing a little improvement. 

My treadmill therapy is going well. I am jogging!!! I can jog for 20 minutes a day now, with a heart rate around 180 with no aggravated symptoms. I will continue to train my heart-brain connection through this therapy. I see Dr. Leddy next week to check in and see where to go from here.

I have on average 1 migraine a week now, down from 3. It's a relief to have this limited the way it is. The migraine wipes out 1-2 days and feels like such a setback. The every day headache is more mild the last week or so. I have less nausea and a bit more energy. The doctor gave me a steroid pack last week to give me a boost in energy and wipe out any inflammation that was there. I think the pack helped in both of those functions.

I don't know how we would have gotten through all this these past 2 years without such a loving family. I have learned to humble myself and ask for help when I need it. My faith in God carries me through this and all the other challenges in my life. How amazing to have peace in the middle of this great storm! He is so good!

Where two or three gather in my name...

It's been a rough couple of weeks, there's no getting around that. I do have praises that before the rough spot, I was having some marked progress. I had a lot more energy and was able to sustain about 20-30 minutes of physical, social, and mental activity before I started to see symptoms and had to take a break.

Then, I got a headache 2 weeks ago. It wasn't a migraine, but it did turn into one 5 times in the last 2 weeks. All the other days, it was my every day headache that I've been getting, but it felt so much worse. It carried along with it heavy fatigue and nausea. I cannot take medication for my every day headaches, because of the “rebound effect” they have. Basically, I would have gotten a headache again as soon as the medicine wore off.

Yesterday, the headache started to dull and the fatigue started to lessen. Today is even a little better. I walked on the treadmill slowly the last couple of days to try and get a little physical activity and I think it helps. Please pray that I will continue to see relief and that I don't let setbacks get me down. I was starting to get my hopes up that I was going to be better any day.

I know that God can do all things. I read about those in the time where He walked the earth that touched His cloak and were healed. I know I have the faith that I can be healed, and I feel that I've “touched the cloak”. The Bible is a whole, and there is so much in there that I know it's not that simple. There is more to my journey than a quick fix.

I have read that some suffered for decades, some for their entire lives for God's great glory. I am comforted by the knowledge that when my life is over on this earth, I will have a perfect amazing new body that won't be ailed by anything.

God's timing is perfect and may not be the same as mine. He has a plan and it is so much better than mine. I will put my life in His hands and trust His perfection.

I have my Social Security Disability hearing this coming Monday. This is another thing I am trusting God on. We have been so amazingly blessed to be able to make our budget work since I've been out of work, but this would help us get out of debt so much quicker. I am hoping that it is part of God's plan that we will get the Disability money. It's been since November of 2009 that we applied. I don't know how long a decision usually takes after the hearing, but we are praying that it will be quick and decisive in our favor.

Thanks for praying! “Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.” Matthew 18: 19-20

With faith, hope, and love,

Kate

Held back by fear

So... not much to update anyone on. I have nothing new on the doctor front to report. I was sick for a while and struggling with that. I think when anything is thrown into the mix on top of PCS, it gets exaggerated. I feel like it's difficult enough and it's hard to handle any more discomfort. I rescheduled my next appointment with Dr. Leddy for mid-April.

It's been 10 days since I've been feeling better from being sick and I've been doing great on the treadmill. I'm trying to also take the same approach from my treadmill therapy and apply it to the rest of my life. I feel like if the issues I'm having with symptoms in social situations might be related to a stress disorder that can be dealt with through therapy, then I might be able to work on it myself.

I'm not discounting the success of therapy. I think talking about issues and finding out what's going on can be so helpful. I couldn't get an appointment at the place that takes my insurance until the middle of April, so I thought I could try to take a crack at it myself.

I've been easing myself into social situations and trying to push my limits a little at a time. I feel like I might be seeing some success. I know it will take a while to build up my endurance, but maybe regulated exposure to social situations can help me to build up a tolerance.

I also found that I was being held back by a fear of being better. I wonder if the “new” me that has existed since the head injury will disappear when I'm better. I've grown so much and love who I am now. I learned what my true priorities should be. I learned how to give up control of everything. I learned how to fully love myself for who I am. I learned that the amazing King of Kings, Lord of Lords is the greatest love of my life! I learned how to have a positive, wonderful, and healthy relationship with my husband. I learned how to appreciate my children. I could go on and on.

I don't want to lose the person I have become. I think that may have been holding me back for a while, but I feel more secure now in that fear. I think it's good to be aware of it and cautious that I don't slip back into my old ways, but I can't let it rule me.

Hopefully the more I can trust and let go, the better I might feel. I am glad that I followed the path of looking inward. Sometimes I think I just need someone to tell me that it's ok and I'm not going to hurt myself more if I do something. A special thanks to Dr. Leddy for being that person that God used to deliver that message.

Please pray that I will continue to see progress on the treadmill and out in my life. Maybe one day soon I'll be driving, jumping on the trampoline with my kids, dancing with my husband.... :-)

With faith, hope, and love,

Kate