Ugh!

Today was a day of discouragement. I woke up feeling so down and frustrated. It has been 10 treatments and I haven't seen any lasting improvement. I started to question and doubt everything we've been doing. I wondered if this guy knows what he's doing at all!

It's hard to have hope in something and then be waiting for the results to come through. We want things to be instant or at least to have a hint at what the future will bring. It's hard to hang on and trust that the Lord will bring us through the other side of something. I know He is with me and I'm going through this particular treatment for a reason and I just have to hold tight to that.

It's a crappy, feel sorry for myself kind of day. I have these every once in a while and I think it's ok to have them. I'll feel better tomorrow and be back to my positive self again.  

9th LENS treatment + z-score

I've had 9 LENS treatments so far and we have introduced z-score training the last 2 visits. He does the LENS first to wake up my brain and get it relaxed, and then does z-score training.

He hooks up the electrodes to my head and to the computer. With my eyes open I have to try to move a blimp across the screen in front of me. When my brain produces the waves it's supposed to in the right amounts, it moves the blimp forward. If my brain doesn't do what it's supposed to do, the blimp doesn't move.

The other part of z-score is with my eyes closed. Each site creates musical notes and plays the note when my brain does what it's supposed to do. It plays a melody when it's working well and is choppy when it's not doing what it is supposed to do. It's positive reinforcement for my brain.

He has seen improvement in my brain waves during the z-score training that can just get better over time. It may take more time to build retention so the results can last.  

6 LENS treatments

I've had 6 LENS treatments so far and I go for my 7^th today. This has been a lot of trial and error. I've had some physical relaxation in my eyes, shoulders, and jaw at times, but I also had increased restlessness and trouble sleeping. There has sometimes been a new headache on top of the old one that I still have after treatment. I haven't had any increase in clarity or cognition.

It's tricky, because my Alpha waves (rest, relaxation, calm, sleep) are very low; while my Beta waves (active concentration) are very high. My brain fights hard to be actively concentrating which wears it out quickly, but it doesn't produce enough brainwaves to relax or sleep well.

I'm trying to stay encouraged and not give up. The doctor has tried different things every time and has more things he can try. I think it's just about getting it right and then building on that, but not pushing it too hard and too fast.

Please continue to pray, mostly for my emotional well being. It's been a long time since I've allowed myself to visualize hope and it's scary to not be seeing results yet.

Jeremiah 29:11For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.