Second Wind

There are definite ups and downs in this fight against PCS. I waver through stages of “grief”. I am in total acceptance of it some days and looking for ways to live with it, and other days I examine all my symptoms and see what I can do to beat this thing (even if it's unbeatable).

My husband and I celebrated our 10 year anniversary by going out of town to Toronto for 5 days. I couldn't believe how far I could push my limits. Without the stresses of every day life, it was 3-4 hours before my symptoms reared their ugly heads.

When we got back into town, it was a huge wake up call for me. My limitations were set right back to 45 min – 1 hour before my symptoms kicked in. I've woken up with bad headaches with nausea and fatigue almost every day since I've been back. If I could live stress free and only experience physical limitations for 5 days, how can I make changes to my life here to accomplish some sense of “stress-free” every day?

I decided that I might need some help. I did some research and found a counselors group that takes my insurance and made an appointment with a psychologist. I see her next week to see if I can find ways to manage my stress more effectively. Some of you have said to me that this has helped you or that some of your neurologists have suggested that brain damage can include stress processing limitations. I am hoping that talking through things can help me to have less stress in my every day life and longer periods of time to function daily.

I also hired someone to come and clean my house. I can pick up the house pretty well and as a family we stay on top of the dishes and laundry, but my house just doesn't get cleaned, and it makes me crazy! It's one of those things that adds to my stress. I try to clean sometimes and it hurts my body so badly. I was vacuuming last week with a pounding, spinning head, and I paused to vomit when I just started laughing at myself. Why hadn't I been able to decide to get this help for myself?

It's so hard to look at myself and not only accept that I need help for some things, but that I'm worth it enough to be helped. I do our finances and am so tight with the money, trying to pay down debt and get to a place where we can start saving. It's crazy to me to try and spend some of that money on myself. A wise person in my life made me turn the situation around. She said, “If it was your husband, wouldn't you do everything you could, no matter what the cost?” She was right. It helped me to see that he just wants me to be better and the less I do to make that happen the worse he feels.

I hope these changes can give me longer periods of “ok” time where I can function somewhat normally. With school starting tomorrow, I know that will also take a lot of my stress away. What are some other suggestions for stress management and getting help that you guys have found?