Thursday, July 14, 2011
I've started and stopped a few posts this week trying to figure out how to say what I want to say. I've been struggling, but have come through the other end with some encouragement. There are times I get caught up in my own private pity party and I can't break out of it for a few days.
People were bothering me with everything they said, “Well, you look good to me”, “I can't believe you are sick, I couldn't even tell”, “I saw a new treatment for migraines in the paper today – just eat a Dove Ice Cream bar when you start to get one”. Really, people? I know they mean well and are just trying to help or encourage. They just don't get it.
I stayed in that pissy, down attitude for a solid 5 days, but I'm heading out of it steadily. My health is improved so much from 2 years ago when this all first happened. I understand my body and what has happened to me. I have a pretty good handle on my limitations. My relationship with the Lord and my family is fantastic. I guess I can call that “living with PCS”.
There were so many things I asked God for before this happened. Maybe, in part, this is some of my way out of those things. I can only speculate what the King of Kings has in store for me. I wanted a way out of the mountain of debt we had put ourselves in. I wanted to be closer to my kids. I wanted my husband to lead our family and be the man of the house. All those things are happening now. I don't like the way that they are happening, but they really are happening.
I'm home with my kids every day. I am not really able to fully enjoy them, but I can watch them live each day and take their reports in small doses. I can see them becoming more and more independent, and know that they understand how I feel and how to have a relationship with someone with a disability. I get to spend every day with them - no matter how crazy they drive me ;-)
My husband has really stepped up. He works full time, is in the Air Force reserves, takes care of the house, and leads us to Christ and in our church. He has become the man of my dreams, a man like David from the bible, a man after God's own heart. He slips up, he's not perfect, but he has risen to this challenge and changed in ways that he might not have if it wasn't for my PCS.
We were approved for disability after 2 years of waiting. The lump sum back payment went immediately on some of our debt. We are well on our way to paying off so much of our debt. We are being faithful in our giving to the Lord, even when we didn't have much to give. He has been faithful to us financially and is returning much higher than any bank ever could.
There are more little things, but I am trying to focus on the good in my life. The other stuff is just stuff. There is a fresh, new body waiting for me with my King when this life is over. I will continue to try every treatment I hear about (except maybe the Dove Ice Cream Bars). I will keep my treadmill treatment up, and keep seeing all my doctors. I am fighting against this, but also trying to find a way to really live through it.
I would love to hear about the good things that you guys have experienced through your PCS. Have you met someone you never would have talked to? Have family members surprised you? Have you found a deeper relationship with yourself, others, or the Lord?
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Discussions about faith and God in our lives are always welcome here. This post will serve as a place to continue that type of discussion. Feel free to lovingly speak the truth here.
Our job that Jesus gave us was to love the Lord our God with all our hearts, minds, soul, and strength and also to love others as we love ourselves. Little differences in churches and traditions shouldn't be forces that drive a wedge between us. They can certainly be interesting to discuss.
I believe that I am saved by Christ, and not by my works. He is what gets me through each day and how I live with the pain and struggle that I am in now.