Monday, January 28, 2013
“Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.” James 1:12
Over the past month, the book of James has been working in me. It's made me look at myself and ask questions that I haven't asked before. It's made me examine myself and wonder who I am and who I have become.
Does my head injury define me? Have I become that person who can't seem to talk about anything else? Why am I so concerned with how people view me? Why do I have to make sure they understand exactly what I'm going through all the time?
I have many reasons to be happy. Over the last 3+ years, God has blessed me in huge ways over and over again. I have come to a place of self-love and self-confidence. My husband and I have never been closer. My children are growing strong and independent. We have beaten almost all of the debt we got ourselves into and are closer to financial freedom than I could ever have imagined. We are on a solid and steady plan to finish remodeling our house.
There are so many stories of God's rich blessings over these years since the head injury. So many specific instances of His intervention and perfect timing that there is no denying His work.
So, why do I worry when I have a smile on my face? Why am I nervous to be happy? I don't want people to think I'm pretending, lying, or that I'm all better.
My physical challenges are invisible to most people. Some who know me really well can tell when I'm feeling worse than usual, but my headaches and fatigue aren't displayed for all to see.
Everyone has trials in their lives whether they are big or little, temporary or permanent. My trial shouldn't be any different than anyone else. It shouldn't define my life. When people look at me, I don't want them to see my pain, I want them to see God's light.
James is brash and bold and can make you uncomfortable, but his book is the truth. I have to remember that the testing of my faith brings perseverance. I have to let it finish so that I will be complete, not lacking in anything. I must ask God for wisdom in all things and then believe and not doubt. I must take pride in my position and stand the test so that I may receive the crown of life.
This is me as a little girl. Hopefully I can be
as strong now as I thought I was then!
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
We saw the neurosurgeon's office again today for my 3 month follow up appointment. She thinks I'm doing very well and that I can slowly start building up my endurance with cardio workouts as long as they are impact-free. It's been a while since I've been able to be active, so I'm excited to start. Please pray that I will not get impatient or rush the process.
I'm trying out some hearing aids for a couple months to see if they will help. It's only been 5 days and the difference is unbelievable! I can hear everything and I'm getting used to the hearing aids quickly. I was struggling with 70% hearing loss which could have been putting extra stress on my brain.
I can honestly say I've seen some improvement since the surgery. Instead of running at 30-40% most days, I feel like I'm at 40-50% now. Our family is happy and full of the hope and peace of Christ. We will continue to ride this journey wherever it takes us. Thank you for all your love and support through the last 3 ½ years. It has meant more than you know and I can't imagine having to go through this without all of you.