On a day where I am supposed to be celebrating thankfulness and feeling gratitude, I'm unfocused and distracted. This seems to be the only way to describe the way I feel when my weaknesses are being exploited.
What does that even mean? I'm feeling attacked. You know what it feels like when you can see yourself and you know in your mind what is going on, but you can't stop yourself anyway? I'm wallowing and I want to make myself stop and acknowledge the things I am so deeply grateful for.
There are days where I can see the joy and the glory of the King that He puts inside me. Then, there are these days. On these days I'm disappointed. I'm feeling beaten down. I'm feeling frustrated to be where I am. I know it's momentary and light, but in the moment it feels like it's swallowing everything else up.
I know satan won't win. I have God woven through every part of me from the inside out. I have a general peace about this time in my life. My temper tantrums are brief and forgotten easily by the gifts and blessings I have every day.
Right now, the way I feel – it will be gone by tomorrow. Even though I can hate this moment and I want to be better so badly, I know that my journey has glorified the perfect, blameless, righteous, holy, awesome, mighty Rock, whose hands I place every single day in.
I want the world to know that my life belongs to Christ the King. If my struggle can show His faithfulness and grace, I would be honored to continue.
I just want you guys to know that I feel this way too. I can talk about God's glory and love, but I feel frustrated, disappointed, angry.... so many things. I feel them often, and it causes problems. It doesn't mean that I don't love God or I'm not thankful for the great things in my life, it just means it's ok to feel this way.